Category: November 2023

As I research ADHD, I notice others around me with the same symptoms. For instance, my partner loves procrastinating on time-consuming tasks and wastes time complaining about it. My partner also takes on other’s crises; when people are in trouble they will drop everything to help them. I have just learned that people with ADHD have a hard time prioritizing crises and will consider anyone’s needs important.

This should not be the case. Everyone should have a Top Ten Priority list of the important people in their lives. This list should include partners, children, best friends, and family members. Now these are the people who deserve your attention. We make time during our busy days for them because we love them and prioritize them as such. This list is a great strategy for everyone, but especially people with ADHD.

Top Ten List

Don’t sweat, if you find someone you love, not making your Top Ten list. It does not mean you love them any less, it is just that people with ADHD have a limited attention span and need to prioritize. What surprised me was my list and the lack of prioritizing my partner. I did not put them at the top of my list, I decided to put my three children. Then I started to think why I put my partner low on my list and what that said about our relationship.

I also did not put my parents or my siblings on my list. Which led me to realize that I have been neglecting them for years. There are a few friendships that I have allowed to fade away because they ran their course. But I see now that might have been my coping mechanism for my ADHD.

Today I reached out to my family doctor about getting evaluated for ADHD, so an update to follow.

Live Joy, Renee

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is something I do not give that much thought to. When I was in elementary school, they told my mother that I had ADHD and suggested medication. My mother did not put me on medication. Or hold me back in school for my learning disability as suggested by my teachers. As it was I graduated on time, went on to post-secondary school and became a professional Medical Lab Technologist.

Because I was diagnosed in the ’80s by my school, not a professional doctor. This has me wondering if my diagnosis is true today. I agree I was a hyper child, who could turn any food into lots of energy. And during elementary school, I was known as being a weird kid. I sang to myself, talked out loud to myself and had trouble grasping the learning lessons.

But in grade 10, I focused on getting good grades and completing all my maths and sciences to get a good job. My grades reflected my hard work, but I was only a 75 % average student. Still, I was considered the best of the best because I completed all the extra math and sciences classes.

Success Is Possible

This is all proof that I learned coping mechanisms around grade 10 for my ADHD. As I was unaware of how ADHD affects me, you used to assume I was dumb or that no one took the time to help me with schooling. This was a wrong assumption because my school provided one-on-one support, my mother helped me learn to expand my attention, and my grandmother helped me with reading and pronunciation.

Currently, I am seeing the same traits in my children and I am reliving the same trauma from my past. Lately, I find myself working harder to help them achieve balance quickly than I did. I am also exploring how ADHD is affecting my adult life, my parenting skills and my relationships. I never went around owning my ADHD and still, I would like to be re-diagnosed to prove to myself it is real.

As for now, I am exploring ADHD and figuring out how it played a part in my current life situation. I found a lovely podcast about adults with ADHD called, I Have ADHD with Kristen Carder.

Live Joy, Renee

I have decided to remove “I Don’t Care” from my vocabulary. If you are like me, I catch myself telling my children daily that I don’t care. Whether it is in response to excuses for fighting or yelling, and when they ask for my opinion.

Until one day I stopped myself and asked what kind of impact my words were having on my children. The following list I came up with is as follows:

• “stop bothering me”
• “this is not my problem”
• “deal with it yourself”
• “I really don’t care because my day is busy enough”
• “your thoughts and feelings mean nothing to me”
• “grow up and handle your own sh*t”
• “you do not matter to me”
• “Mommy is busy and has no room for you”
• “thing issue has no impact on me, so I don’t care”
• “I stopped caring about your wants as soon as you learned how to make your own decisions”

When I looked at the list, it made my stomach turn and I wondered what my children thought of me because of it. I do care about their thoughts and feelings and I have worked hard to alter my behaviour to create a positive environment. Because of this one phrase, I used it to cause a lot of pain to my children. The image below is from Cups to Crowns.

Changing For The Better

At that moment, I removed “I don’t care” from my usual responses and replaced it with more accurate statements. Ones that were helpful and relevant to the situation. No more will I use blank statements to be a catch-all response for my children. I don’t want them to question my love for them.

As a stay-at-home parent, you think I would have more capacity to listen and understand my children. But my wants and needs were getting in the way, and I was not taking care of myself as well as I thought. Another solution I came up with which I believe would help this situation is one-on-one adult interaction with my children. I had it with my grandma when I was a little girl and it helped me grow.

Live Joy, Renee

I have six hours of child-free time per day, Monday to Friday, and I need to fill it. Now, I need to account for the Monday, Wednesday and Friday lunches I share with my partner. On these three days, I need to be around the house from noon to 1 p.m. to make or go out for lunch. On those three days, I can’t do long drives to a specific store or book a class around that time.

I envisioned my free time to be filled with school volunteering, archery classes, and walking the dog. Or going out for coffee with my friends, going back to school, writing, etc. But these are all non-urgent activities that can be pushed off at my whim. I have all the time in the world and I am crippled by my choices, just like how some retirees feel.

Job-Health Benefits

I know how wonderful my job was for my health. After my three daily breaks, I went back to work which involved physical activity that I did not need to schedule. Work and school provide the same benefits of walking and standing at different intervals. But working from home or not at all provides no variation in motion or location. I have a newfound appreciation for an away-from-home work location.

Anyway, I digress. How should I be filling my days? Seriously, I am considering bringing back a chore list for me. It worked in high school and will do me good now. I should also take into consideration my natural flow of energy, which is in the morning and just before supper time. This is when I am most motivated to get stuff done.

Looking forward, I how it will all work out in the end. All I need to do is have faith in myself and my spiritual team to guide me through this transition.

Live Joy, Renee